Why me? Family
Why me is the question I ask myself every time something goes wrong. As if saying it will change the situation but it doesn’t. or that if I open up my heart to the very fact that I have been hurt in that moment the person that hurt me would take it back but they don’t. or when I was born I would spend the rest of my life without my biological father ever truly loving me properly as his son. What if I told you there is a plan that God has put in place for you knowing that you would go through this life. For example, my desire to be the best husband and father is birthed out of the pain I felt from not having one. It drives me more than anything. It also leaves me wanting when I don’t fulfill what I believe I should have done in an instance of failure. The very fact that I did not have a father present drives me. But you might say well that didn’t happen for me at all, it actually made me bitter. That’s where you have to acknowledge that you made a choice to live in that matter. You want to stay mad because you didn’t get your way.
The point is God had a plan for your life knowing that you would be abandoned by your father, yet you chose to be bitter instead of better. Abandonment leaves a longing that only God can fulfill, so it will require you to be willing to allow him in to change your heart and assume the role of your father. I know what you may be thinking, “You want me to trade in a dad who left me for one I can’t see!”. Yes, that’s exactly what I am asking you to do. And I am going to give you some tools that will help you along the journey. So, let’s start with number 1.
1. When he left you still had a life to live. If you allow yourself not to improve because of the fact that your dad wasn’t around you have made it more about a want then a need. Think about it you have the longing for a present dad but as the years go by you get older and bitter. He (your biological father) on the other hand is not concerned with that. Now make it a need to learn all you can to be a great man. The work now moves from asking a person to be there, to being the man that there. Some course correction for a family can only be made by the next generation of men.
2. When he left it hurt so much. Pain can be a passion or a burden. Too many men worry so much about what they felt from a past pain that it consumes their life. Instead let it motivate you to love differently in the way you love your son or daughter. Be the change you wanted. Leave no room for the past to hinder your present or future. Now for this to be done you have to forgive but also learn what is the proper way to do something. Then pass it on. Too many times we work so hard not to hurt we miss the work of serving our family that gives us a new hope.
3. When he left I learned nothing of fatherhood. By now if you read that last to you know I am drilling down on figuring it out. One of the worst things to do is keep saying no one taught me and not say let me find out. There are just people in this world who won’t tell you anything to help you and will be angry that you asked. As if what they have is supposed to be only for them. No, you seek and you will find. Be consistently on the hunt for growing personally. Too many times we settle for being better than what we had instead better than what we are. Keep growing from the mistake and never leave from an excuse that you were not taught. There is always someone willing to teach you, a book to read, a video to watch, a training to go to. I love the saying “Always forward”, because it pushes you beyond your emotional moments of doubt. When we fall we look around to see if anyone saw us because we are already embarrassed from the moment. But have you ever seen someone fall and just laugh at themselves? Then they get up and start talking like nothing happened. You see they know that there is nothing they can do about what happened but there is something they can do going forward. Then so should you!
